Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I'd give up forever...


And I'd give up forever to touch you;
Cause I know that you feel me somehow ;
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be;
And I don't want to go home right now.


And all I can taste is this moment;
And all I can breathe is your life;
Cause sooner or later it's over;
I just don't want to miss you tonight.


And I don't want the world to see me;
Cause I don't think that they'd understand;
When everything's made to be broken;
I just want you to know who I am......


And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming;
Or the moment of truth in your lies;
When everything seems like the movies;
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive;


And I don't want the world to see me;
Cause I don't think that they'd understand;
When everything's made to be broken;
I just want you to know who I am......

Monday, December 18, 2006

Weird people!

What do you with people who are devious? The kinds for whom there are no values, no priniciples, no conscience - just selfish interests – which guide them and control every action of theirs. Do you

a) give them back in the same coin ?
b) laugh at them ?
c) or simply be oblivious to their existence?

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

It’s Raining Men….


What is wrong with all the men in this world? Suddenly I am being bestowed with so much of undue attention.

I mean come on…were they sleeping for the last 25 years of my existence? :-) Ok, so I discount them for the first 15 but what crime had I been committing(repeatedly I guess) over the last one decade?

I remember during college days (grad I mean), how anxiously I used to wait for a guy to even give me a second look . But I guess they used to treat me like one of them. Things were so bad that I used to secretly enjoy even the lewd comments being passed by roadside romeos…(Imagine!).

And now when the last thing I look forward to is a member of the male species…I see a sudden abundance of these creatures all around me. It’s funny how life has a way of showering you with stuff when you least need it.

And me…I guess for now I will get an umbrella to avoid getting wet :-)

Friday, December 08, 2006

Dejavu..

Why am I so possessive about my work? It’s so hard to let go.

This is exactly how I felt when I was changing the last role I held. This new girl, who was taking over from me, I had given her everything on a platter...sadly though she couldn’t carry it on the same way. When she had joined, I remember how reluctant I was to even let her sit on my chair :-)…

And now it’s the same feeling all over again… I know am moving for a better position in a better organization..yet it’s not easy let go..

Wish I could just do it in a single jerk,so that I don’t have to see someone else take my place, so that I don’t have to realise I am not indispensable and so that I don’t have to know that nothing will stop because of me :-)

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Truly zombie...

I have lived the last three months of my life like a zombie (lived upto my name )…only pain and confusion reigns. I keep asking myself what could I have done different/differently to save myself from facing this situation today…wonder why I love him so much?

Can’t seem to get him out of my head…how I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and then live happily ever after.I guess I am not one of those lucky one’s in life with whom happiness stays for long... It comes in spurts and then vanishes leaving me more drained each time. He’s gone for good..

Why did I get to know how beautiful life could be when I could have blissfully lived in ignorance not knowing what it meant to be with someone you have so longed for all your life and not known about that longing either..

Don’t know when and how will I be able to get myself out of this rut!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Champ in the making..

I finally remembered my blog's password....and here I am!

Met up with a couple of frens last night..went to the New Delhi Railway station to have coffee at Wimpy's (the only thing I like to have there). My friend had brought a junior from her office along with her...sweet lil 'bacchaa', a constant source of entertainment for the rest of us who usually doubles up as our errand boy. :-)

We ordered him to sing for us...and wanted to burst out laughing the second he began(that's what we do at everything he says or does)...but when he started it was like....tears came to my eyes...people all around us just stood leaving whatever they were doing(including the Wimpy's boys at the counter)..a small crowd gathered as this sweet little chap sang from the bottom of his heart..the words that still ring in my mind and give me goosebumps..

Bin tere kya hai jeena...
mere dil ki raani tum..
meri khushiyon ka mausam..
mere khwaabon ki taaviz..
mere sapno ki tasveer..
bin tere kaisi aas..
woh jeet ho ya haar..
tere sang hai sab kuch..
tu nah hai to bekaar..
bin tere kya hai jeena..


suni khaali raatein..
ruthi feeki battein..
har aahat pe chaukun..
tujhko harsu dekhoon..
tujhko hardam sochun..
tujhko har pal chahoon..
tere bin tho jeevan bas hai intezaar..
bin tere kya hai jeena..

Absolutely beautiful!!

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Can I tell u how happy I am....

Someone told me today....an old girl pal of mine ...

"Liking you makes me a good person too"

"To know you..is to like you"

My day is made..my week...my month...my year!!!! One of the biggest compliments I have ever received.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Love is...love is not..

I scribbled these lines on a tattered piece of paper, trying to kill time while waiting for my driver to pick me up….

…Last time I did this (wrote something down while waiting for someone), I was hit by an emotion called ‘love’. Now when I think about it I wonder if the conventional meaning of this term, so frequently used or ‘misused’, really co-incides with my notion/understanding of the same.

To me love is not that which hits you suddenly and makes the world go round (though it may start with that...)
Love is not just something that which makes you lose your sleep, your appetite or even your senses..
Love is not a mystery..
And love is definitely not blind..

Love doesn’t make you dependent, it bestows you with someone you can depend upon.
Love doesn’t degenerate into a routine, it stays with you like a beautiful feeling forever.
Love is there by your side when nothing else is, like a rock solid faith.
Love is that which makes you feel good about who you are and yet shows you the way to what you can be.
Love is that which you want to make grow. It needn’t be perfect but that which you want to achieve perfection at.
Love is not providence, love is that which you make possible without it ever having a chance of happening on it’s own.
Love is not a mystery – it’s a sequence of events

And love is not selfish..it is that which guides you..counsels you, supports you, helps you without ever making you feel grateful for it.

To be able to love is to be able to empathise, tolerate and forgive..

It's not that the absence of any of the above means love is incomplete, nor is the above piece comprehensive. It would take a life time to put down in a few words what this emotion implies. This infact is just an expression what love has been for me and what it has been not.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Tarot Reading


My new fascination these days. Visit www.tarot.com for a free reading of your first three chosen cards. I dunno if it's accurate, actually these things never are, one interprets em the way they want but u know what - it's fun..especially when u got nothin more sensible goin on with u. :-)

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Monsoons are here!

Weather in Delhi is improving..Rain God decided to show some mercy on us, hardworking Delhiites!

Rite now it's cloudy outside, the temperature's come down, water in taps is cool and people are havin fun comin in late for work or jes takin the day off enjoying the romantic weather. At the traffic signals there's less honking of horns - the temperaments in this city cool down with the fall in temperature.

Monsoon sales are on and my knees go weak every time I see a hoarding advertising a 50% OFF( with a small 'upto' written at the bottom)...I try n reason with myself..I jes blew up a lot of money buying stuff as if the malls were going on a vacation and finally decide-in keeping with the spirit of the season - let's jes succumb to temptations!

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Paradox...

When you don't have time to think...
can you still brood..

When you doubt what you are boasting about..
is it still confidence..

When you die everyday to live well sometime..
is it life still..

When you love someone but it doesnt last..
if it's not eternal..is it love..

When you drive ambition in you..
does it still hold the same value..

When opinions start shaping who you are..
are you still YOU..

When you achieve the perfect balance..
is it time to lose it..

If senses only brought pleasure..
would pleasure mean the same..

If I were perfect..
would I be happy..

If I understood all about life..
would I still wanna live

Monday, May 15, 2006

I started my book today...

..however crappy and cliche' the first chapter may sound..I jes wanted to start somewhere..else I would have never got down to doin it..

So atleast I am working towards one of the 13 things I wanted to start this year..that I committed myself to, on my birthday!!

I have also made a new friend for life..

Am reviving atleast two of my old friendships..

Have taken the first step towards changing my job..

Yipee..am gettin there..slow and steady..

Friday, April 21, 2006

The path ahead...



The only thing constant in life is change and yet we consciously/ sub- consciously keep resisting it .

The process of changing is painful and I guess I’m going through that pain right now, not sure if the end result would be worth all of this. What keeps me going is the faith that I have in myself, my ideologies and my individual assessment of right and wrong. I hope I am able to keep this faith alive and I hope it won’t let me down very often.

As I move on, I am excited about the journey ahead but it saddens me to remember that which I leave behind. It somehow keeps pulling me back. The times spent together, those innocent days, first salary, small joys, little dreams, thoughts about marriage, opinion about guys, the initial hesitation at work, those valentine’s days, mindless commitment to certain things….

We learn and become wise but somewhere within...miss the bliss in ignorance that we leave behind.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

All I wanna do...



no job, no challenges, no achievements, no colleagues, no frenships, no break offs, no relationships, no hate, no love, no clarity, no confusion, no obligations.....This is ALL I WANNA DO!!!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

13 things I wanna do this year:



1. Go for a 10 day trek
2. Change my job
3. Make a new friend for life..
4. Revive 3 old friendships I cherished but didn’t maintain.
5. Smile more often & make an attempt at being a more friendly person.
6. Not be miserable nor show it
7. Get seriously involved in a social cause and continue it.
8. Start writing a book.
9. Lose 8 kgs of weight.
10. Go for dancing classes
11. Be more process oriented
12. Define the purpose of my life.
13. Remember to review it next year


Does anyone wanna share their 13 expectations from self..I won’t mind even 14/15 for that matter…

Friday, March 10, 2006

Intriguing comments...

I am posting an intriguing comment from Pakiya, on this old post of mine I wrote almost one year back. It surpasses the original content on my post in so many ways that I was compelled to put it up here again and delve deeper...Thanks Pakiya (beingapig.blogspot.com) lets continue commenting on this one..

Zombie,

am catching up on all your posts. I hv become an admirer and you have inspired me to become a blogger.

I will provide my 2 cents worth on this subject and hopefully in the process i will also be able to add some additional clarity and/or confusion to your insightful thoughts.

Definition of God or understanding his/her existence or form is limited by the finite capacity of our mind. You can only understand/comprehend
what human mind can rationalize and explain.

God neither makes misery or happiness. It is a vicious circle of want and fulfillmet or lack thereof that triggers misery and happiness.

Human nature is engineered and programmed to search and seek out happiness and goodness (u are right!!) but in our finite wisdom we look to the external world for our happiness and that for sure is doomed to fail.

You are absolutely right in not being convinced of the conventional concept of God (driven by religion). But I don't agree with your concept of an individual god. That is just the pendulum swinging to the other side.

I have constantly struggled with these notions.

Any concept of god that cannot be applied or does not dictate every second of our life is just that - a concept. Neither a defined "religious order" nor a "personalized conscience" allows us to get closer to the universal nature of god.

In my mind there is a universal god that transcends all religious and personal boundaries. The traditional wisdom of god is absolute beauty and absolute goodness (the hellenic philosophers came to this independent conclusion some 2000 years after indian sages figured it out!!). There are different paths to uniting with this god. Most of these paths have become strewn with the debries of religious fanaticsm or relativism.

But at the heart of it is a very scientific approach that has been mastered and handed down to us from thousands of yrs back by our ancestors.

We in India are fortunate to be part of that lienage. But unfortunately we have had no messiahs that has been made it simple enough for the comman man to understand or practice this scientific approach. Here is what i mean..

I am sure u have heard of the 4P's. u not only need a great Product, but you need good Positioning, attractive Pricing and compelling Promotion.

I am advocating a marketing division for "achieving oneness with god" :)))

All u can do is subscribe to the 4P's and become a dedicated consumer. In the short term the benefit is you learn to conquer the finiteness of your mind and your senses and in the longer term you get closer to achieving the ideal.


One big hindrance to this is that this pursuit of happiness and oneness with that universal entity cannot be accomplished in one life time though. It might take many lifes to do that. and then your mind gets in the way again because you now have to believe and be able to explain afterlife and rebirth...

Goes back to the point of just submitting yourself to certain fundamental truths/laws of nature that you don't want to question. u really want to trust the marketing guy :)

Easier said than done...

I wonder why I am still such a pig and how many afterlifes I still have in my pursuit of god.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Someone like me...

I recently came across somebody who was my replica in so many ways and the guy turns out to be a Piscean just like me. He has likes/dislikes/passions/worries/notions...all that I go through...I could never believe I cud ever some across somebody as eccentric as I am..as reckless..as passionate and as emotional..

Some of our very basic habits also match to a very great extent..I would start sentences and he would complete them for me..I would say something but he would understand what I implied..I would smile but he would understand I was crying....

I could never believe I would so relate to anyone in my life so much...turns out he's married........breaks my heart!