Saturday, April 15, 2017

I am happiest when..


..I do things right. When I am in control, when I am disciplined and regimental about stuff, when I put a method to my madness and that goes for sorting emotions out in my mind too. In fact that's one big reason I have started feeling the need to go to a temple-like place often..(a gurudwara in my case as of now due it's proximity)..helps me confront my thoughts. I don't believe in God but I definitely do not want to risk having a dishonest dialogue with him ;) so really helps clear out the fog!

Pat on the back for:

.. for once again feeling beautiful having lost all that weight I was so lovingly nurturing on my body


.. having the courage to go out and present my idea with conviction to a business partner


.. meeting my first customer and getting a teeny weeny bit of hope to make something out of my proposal


.. for being with my daughter like no other mom I have seen around and ensuring she's in safe hands and safe situations


.. for staying disturbed about the temporary inability to contribute to the GDP of the world


.. for taking time out to polish my nails :D :D

Not such a Zombie after all..ha! :)

Sunday, March 05, 2017

Feeling Crazy


When I look at people posting glorious pictures of their workstations and work travels, I go crazy. A part of me wants to say 'so what' and then this feeling-left-out side of me says 'what the heck are you doing running behind your two year old in your pyjamas all day?'. And then yet another part of me says 'BORING!'. You have done it for twelve bloody years and know how limiting it is, how defined, how absolutely frustrating and devoid of creativity all of that shit is. You know how everyone goes through the exact same thing, the same silly meaningless discussions with your boss that make no sense whatsoever and are mostly not intellectually stimulating. How you keep waiting for that one opportunity to prove yourself and then once you have done it, you are asked to repeat it and then repeat it with a greater efficiency and then with suave and then with less resources and then without upsetting a single soul on this earth and then...... You know exactly how it goes. Here you are creating something unique, something you know is needed out there, something for which there IS a market and you are immersed in self-doubt. Go crazy but go crazy working on it. Test yourself. Prove your mettle to yourself for a change :)

Saturday, March 04, 2017

Helpless or Cold?

Over the last two very confusing years of my life, at least one thing has become very clear to me - the need to express, in fact more precisely the need to write. It's the fuel that keeps me going, it's my energy stick, heck it's my mode of survival! Talking about survival, a thought that has constantly stayed with me for the last year or so has been the plight of Syrian children. The war has shamelessly snatched them of their innocence and gnawed mercilessly at their tender minds and hearts. Imagine losing your entire family right in front of your eyes and then not just living with that trauma but also fighting for your own survival. It's gut wrenching, just to think about it. I wish I could be a mother to each such kid lost in this ghastly, ruthless and absolutely mindless war. I wish I could wipe all the pain and misery from their minds and hearts forever. I wish I could hide them all in a safe abode and give them the life they should have been living as children. A life of love and pampering replete with silly fun - animation, rhymes, slides, scribbles and color. Shame on all of us who have done nothing but helplessly watched. Shame on our collective talent and intelligence. Shame on our lack of concern we like to call 'helplessness'. I want to do something about it. I have to. I can't just feel sentimental about it, write a few lines and clear my conscience. I will find out.